let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
