Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
