She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
