the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
