My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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