Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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