I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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