you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
