My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize