I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
