I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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