Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
