These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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