So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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