Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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