I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
