Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
