I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
