I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
