Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
