when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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