yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
