I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
