Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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