38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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