is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
