the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
