Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
