I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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