I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
