she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
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I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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