His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
