somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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