Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
