You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
