nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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