just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
