Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
