Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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