My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize