so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
