apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
