you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
