Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
