I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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