Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
