Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
