Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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