Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
