I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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