Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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