Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
