what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
