I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My ass is underappreciated
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
