I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life