PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.