It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
