Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am