so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.