yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO