go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring