# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
