After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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