he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
