She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
