my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
