Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
