my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
