508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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