Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
high people should be assigned attendants
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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