I showed him my bush... on skype.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
