my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize