I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
