Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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