Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
