If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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