Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I currently don't understand fingers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
