The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
