Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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