I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
