My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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