watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
