dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
