tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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