and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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