he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
